Oh life is just awesome. Lets do a quick recap. I get yelled at by my parents, cry myself to sleep, have insults hurled at me during the day, had my girlfriend break up with me, and I want to kill myself. As if that weren’t enough, today…my dog died…I had had her since I was a kid. I’m pretty sure she was eleven and that I’ve had her since I was seven. I have moved a total of four times and she has been in the three most recent. She has been with me for the majority of my memorable life. God why now? Why does this sort of thing happen? Did I do something to deserve it? I must have…I’m not a good person, that’s what it is. I’m being punished. I’m not a good person. I just suck at life. I can’t do anything right. You know what else I did today? I was leaving to go get a movie and I backed out of the driveway into my dad’s car. Didn’t do much to his car at all but my bumper is screwed to hell. I guess that was punishment too. Now I’m sitting in bed doing nothing waiting for life to end. I don’t want to get up. Ever. My mom came in a little while ago asking if I wanted dinner. I don’t want anything. I’m not even hungry. I haven’t been for a while either. I’ve actually lost some wait in the last few days. Good I guess. It will make me look better. That way people will look at me. No one ever does. You always see that guy girls are in love with right? Well that is never me. I have never, ever, had a girl hit on me or flirt with me or even really pay me that much attention until I started giving them attention. I have had to chase after any girl I have ever dated, anyone I have ever even liked. Just take me back to my hole and leave me there to die…trust me, it’s better that way…
Today I broke two of my previous records. Since my girlfriend left me yesterday I have been even more upset than usual. So wanna know my new records? ok well here it goes. Previous record: cried three times in twenty four hours. New record: cried five times in twenty four hours. Previous record: thought of five ways to kill myself in a single day. New record: seven ways in ten minutes. That’s right. Seven. Electrocuting myself in an outlet left unprotected after the cover was broken, using the broken cover to cut my wrist, jumping out a three story window, smashing my head against a brick wall, smashing my head through a glass door, crashing my car into a tree, and crashing my car into another car. So maybe these aren’t all completely original…and maybe a little graphic, but that’s still a pretty good list. I decided against the last one though. I just want to kill myself. No one else. But I might have to try out the rest. I mean, what is the point to my life anyway? I’m just an kid with crappy grades who probably won’t get into a good college. Not getting into a good college will cause me to get a crappy job that I will hate. If I hate my job then I will probably hate my life and everyone involved in it including my wife. So if I hate my wife she will leave me just like my girlfriend did and I will be a mess. After going through all of that I will die. Why wait and have to deal with it all. I say end it now and forgo all of the suffering.
Some how I feel like this ruins the effect…oh well.
This is a project for a high school AP Psychology course. This is a fictionalized account of having a psychological ailment. For questions about this blog project or its content please email the teacher Chris Jocham: jocham@fultonschools.org
This includes the blog and the twitter updates over there
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Oh she was beautiful. She was smart. She was possibly the coolest person ever. Too bad she was just a character in Iron man…my girlfriend (or should I say ex) on the other hand, while she may be pretty, doesn’t fit the bill. When I first asked her to be my girlfriend I thought I had met the one. Of course I just realized this was typical teenage love especially since she was my first, but it was still something. I knew she was amazing. Turns out she’s not so great. Today I decided to talk to her because I have been feeling really down lately. It might be all the stress from school but still, I wanted to talk. I didn’t get further than a few sentences before she said, and I quote, “Shut up and suck up. You are the man in the relationship so act like it.” I have never cried in front of a girl before. Let alone for that long. After I finally calmed down she told me this. “Its obvious that you can’t be that man. In that case we are through.” So I was broken up with for crying. Great way to end a relationship. I. Want. To. Die. She was the last thing I really enjoyed. I don’t really know why. That is I don’t really know why she was the last thing or why she was the last thing. I just…don’t enjoy the little things in life that I used to be captivated by. I don’t enjoy the family board games we play, and I certainly don’t like hanging out with my “friends”. Plus, she wasn’t even that nice to me. As if the evidence above isn’t enough she turned me down before when I needed to talk to her (same reason as today) because she wanted to talk to the guy she goes to school with (we don’t go to the same school) instead of me. Life sucks.
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